Five features that are common in the sentences of people who can't work. At the end of the sentence that abuse "?"

■ Sentence updates that can be done for each scene

"I want to update my writing skills quickly!"However, even if you want to be good at writing, you don't know where to start ...

I have conveyed the know -how of sentences to more than 50,000 business people with such troubles.

Just knowing the "tips of five sentences" to be introduced will make your text easier to communicate.We will explain while comparing the specific before and after of "bad sentence (no good sentence)" and "improved sentences".

1.Make the subject "you" (situation: Sales email) 2.Do not abuse "?" (Situation: email) 3.1 The sentence is less than 50 characters (situations: blog) 4.Do not burden the other party (situation: Facebook / LINE message) 5.Do not "preach" (situations: landing page)

Before and after has a part that expresses the bad sentence point over to give a different contrast, but please use it to update your text while comparing.

■ Self -centered email that makes you feel less ready is NG

Point 1: Make the subject "you" (situation: Sales email)

＜ビフォー＞突然のメールで失礼いたします。営業支援ツールを提供している株式会社◯◯の◯◯と申します。営業効率を高め、労力を最小化する「営業支援ツール◯◯」の無料モニター企画をスタートいたしました。そこで、モニターでご活用いただける企業様を探しております。私個人としましては、御社がこのモニターに価値を感じていただけると思っております。ご返信をお待ちしております。

Before sentences are not written, and when you put the subject, it is a sentence full of "I (our company)".

I'm sorry for a sudden email.My name is ◯◯ of Co., Ltd., which offers sales support tools."Our company" has launched a free monitor project for "Sales Support Tools", which increases operating efficiency and minimizes effort.Therefore, "our company" is looking for a company that can be used on the monitor.As an individual, I think that you can feel the value of this monitor."I am waiting for your reply."

How about, but was it a huge example, but could you share the feeling that you wouldn't be ready to read if you were too "me (our company)"?

■ Read the subject and switch to a hand viewing point

If you don't write it, there are many sentences full of "I (our company)" when you put the subject.Unfortunately, in many cases, the text from your own perspective is not comfortable to read.

＜アフター＞突然のメールで失礼いたします。営業支援ツールを提供している株式会社◯◯の◯◯と申します。営業効率を高め、労力を最小化する「営業支援ツール」の無料モニターに興味はございますか？御社の業界・業態でも、◯◯や◯◯といった多く成果が出ており、モニター活用の期間だけでも結果が出ております。ご検討いただけるようでしたら、ご返信いただけますと幸いです。

[Improvement Point] By switching the subject from "I" to "You (Your company)" or switching from , it will be easy to read by the other party and can reach.First of all, even if one sentence is just one sentence, when "I" converts the subject of the subject with the text of the subject, the difference is surely surprised by the difference.

New ideas and ideas may come to mind just by replacing the subject, so please try it while enjoying it like a game.

■ It's like an interrogation ... emails that are just questionable

Point 2: Do not abuse "?" (Situation: email)

＜ビフォー＞先日は、ありがとうございました。その後、いかがでしょうか？実際にお試しいただいて、どちらのプランが良さそうでしょうか？機能制限がありますが、リーズナブルにスタートできるAプランでしょうか？もしかしたら、すべての機能が使えるBプランかもしれませんね。御社のさらなる業務効率化のために、便利な機能や活用事例などをお話させていただけないでしょうか？よろしければ、日程をいくつかいただければと思いますが、ご都合はいかがですか？？

There are five "?" In a short sentence.If "?" Continue, you will feel like being interrogated, and the reader feels uncomfortable.

In addition, some people like "??", but those who are sensitive to letters will feel the pressure of being cornered by the corner.

Question type "?" Is an effective means to draw readers, but be careful not to use too much.

■ If you narrow down the question, you can clearly convey what you want to hear.

＜アフター＞先日は、ありがとうございました。実際にお試しいただき、業務によく使う機能が絞られてきている頃かもしれませんね。シンプルに比較すると、Aプラン：機能制限はあるがリーズナブルなプランBプラン：すべての機能が使えるスタンダードプランとなります。御社のさらなる業務効率化のために、便利な機能や活用事例などをお話させていただくことを、ご検討いただけないでしょうか。よろしければ、ご都合のよろしい日程をいくつかいただけますと幸いです。

[Improvement Points] You can convey the same thing without using one "?" Like after -sales.There is an advantage that the writer can easily write if you use "?"

In addition, sentences that are abused "?" There is also a risk that it will be ambiguous to know what you want to know, and you will be able to communicate gaps.

■ Complusion points, no line breaks, and the reader exhausts the reader

Point 3: 1 sentence is less than 50 characters (situations: blog)

＜ビフォー＞メルマガの解除やLINEでブロックされるとガックリきてしまい配信するのが怖いという方が多く正直私も怖いのですが解除やブロックをあまり深刻に捉えずに継続して読んでくれる読者さんに向けて一生懸命お伝えしていければプラスのエネルギーに転換することもできますので配信が怖いと思ったときは「まぁいいや次がんばろう」と気楽に考えることをオススメします。

[No good sentence point] Lumps of characters such as "lithograph" without punctuation points and line breaks make the reader tired.It is said that many Japanese people read aloud in their heads when they read silently.If you have less punctuation and line breaks, you will not be able to breathe, and if you become stuffy, the reader will leave.

■ Enter one message in one sentence

＜アフター＞メルマガの解除やLINEでブロックされるとガックリきてしまいますよね。正直、私も配信するのが怖かったので、その気持ちよくわかります。解除やブロックをあまり深刻に捉えずに、＜継続して読んでくれる読者さんに向けて一生懸命お伝えする＞というプラスのエネルギーに転換することもできます。配信が怖いと思ったときは「まぁいいや、次がんばろう」と気楽に考えることをオススメします。

[Improvement Point] Before has 170 characters in one sentence.The longer one sentence, the more difficult it is to convey.Let's put a phrase "." So that one sentence does not exceed 50 characters.

The basics are "1 sentence = 1 message (1 sentence 1)".

Let's put the reading "," or line breaks when you read the text you wrote aloud or breathe.If you think too much, it will be difficult to write, so in a good way it is OK with tequito.

If you come across a sentence that is easy to read, you will gradually get the tips for referring to such points.

■ Even if you say "thank you", the reader is only in trouble

Point 4: Do not put a burden on the other party (situation: Facebook / LINE message)

＜ビフォー＞こんにちは、◯◯です。先日はお会いできてうれしかったです。いろいろお話させていただき、ありがとうございました。その際、話題になりました新商品がいよいよ販売開始になり、◯◯が◯◯に改善すると、お客さまにもすごく喜んでもらっています。きっと、◯◯さんにも気に入っていただける商品かもしれないなぁとふと思い、メッセージさせてもらいました。どうぞよろしくお願いいたします。

[No good sentence point] It is assumed that the other party remembers the topic of new products.

Especially when you meet many people at the same time, it may be difficult to communicate, assuming that you are remembered by the other person.

Also, even if you say "Thank you", you will be wondering how to reply.The more the burden of "let the other person think", the more the relationship will decrease as the number of burden.

■ Clarify the scene and questions and do not let the other person think

＜アフター＞こんにちは、◯◯の会で名刺交換させてもらった◯◯をしている◯◯です。先日はお会いできてうれしかったです。とりわけ◯◯のお話がとても参考になりました。ありがとうございました。その際、◯◯が◯◯に改善する新商品が話題になったのを覚えていらっしゃいますでしょうか？あれから、いよいよ販売開始になり、お客さまにもすごく喜んでもらっています。きっと、◯◯さんにも気に入っていただけると確信しておりますので、よろしければモニターでご利用いただき、ご感想をいただけないでしょうか。ご検討いただき、お返事いただけるとうれしいです。どうぞよろしくお願いいたします。

[Improvement Points] Just a little detailed greeting at the beginning, you can remember the image of the day, so you don't have to worry about "Who is it?"And, not the ambiguity of cheating with "various things", but the specific content of "especially", the memory revives clearly.

After that, a brief explanation of the product is added, the monitor and their impressions are examined, and they are specifically conveyed so that they can reply.

There is no need to incorporate so far, but the thoughts and concerns that I wrote without any extra burden on the other party are transmitted from the text.

■ From the top, it does not affect the other person's heart

Point 5: Do not "preach" (situations: landing page)

＜ビフォー＞「どうしてできないの⁉」「何回言ったらわかるの⁉」「ちゃんとして⁉」子供が萎縮し、才能を伸ばせなくなる言葉を、あなたはついつい言っていませんか？　特に時間に追われているときに、無意識に子供に浴びせてしまう方も多いです。子供も賢くて、いつも言われていると、その場しのぎでそれ以上言われないように行動するか、聞き流す技術を身につけるかして、ちっとも改善してはいきません。どうして、お子さんはできないのでしょうか⁉それは、どうやってやったらいいのかを、あなたが教えていないからです。

[No good point] When conveying something, "correctness" is of course important, but the true word is sometimes a weapon that hurts and attacks people.

The example sentence is on the landing page of child -rearing teaching materials, but depending on the position, position, situation, and character of the writer (seller), it may be effective to communicate in a row.

However, there are few people who want to buy something until they are preached.

■ "You are not bad" My failure story becomes a weapon

＜アフター＞「どうしてできないの⁉」「何回言ったらわかるの⁉」「ちゃんとして⁉」お恥ずかしながら、実はこれ、私が、子供にぶつけていた言葉です。子供が萎縮し、才能を伸ばせなくなるとは知らずに……。特に時間に追われているときに、無意識に浴びせていました。子供も賢くて、いつも言われていると、その場しのぎでそれ以上言われないように行動するか、聞き流す技術を身につけるかして、ちっとも改善してはいきませんでした。どうして、子供ができなかったのか⁉それはどうやってやったらいいのかを、私が教えていなかったからです。

[Improvement Points] One way to write a sentence on the premise that "you are not bad" is to talk about your failure.If it is a failure story, it will be easier to receive a message by making it a mirror.

Thinking to the reader and thinks, "What if the person's negative situation is the result that wasn't really good?" "What if the other person is not bad?"You will be able to deliver the message you want to convey.

If you feel a change, the text will be fun and it will become even better.Please incorporate one pin and feel the change.

It is said that people judge by appearance, but in today's 100 million media era, it is no exaggeration to say that "the value of people is judged by sentences."If you have a pin with the five tricks introduced this time, please take in one.

---------- Takumi Nakano Co., Ltd. Studio-K, President and CEO Empathic Lighting Developer.President of "Empathic Design Lab".He finds something in common with the "architecture" knowledge and "text" cultivated in the university's Faculty of Architecture and Sekisui House.He has developed "Empathic Writing (R)" on his unique sentence methods, thinking that improving "empathy" will increase the work skills such as writing, marketing, communication, and planning.It is used in corporate training and educational institutions.His recent book, "The" Super Speed "Writing" (Discover 21).---------------

(President and CEO of Studio-K Co., Ltd.)